Marriages and long-term relationships are more strained and uncertain in today’s world than in former times because infidelity rates are on the rise. New technologies and social media have made affairs easier to find and more secretive than ever before, and the implications of such changes can leave families devastated. When marriage partners are unfaithful, they exhibit distinct behavioral changes that should leave the other partner feeling alarmed. In many cases, affairs can be prevented when spouses are able to intervene from the beginning to prevent an emotional relationship from escalating. If you suspect your spouse of infidelity, you should look for these warning signs of wayward activities.

1. Spouse Complains of Being “Tired”

Nothing is more exhausting than attempting to juggle and cover up two relationships at once. Spouses who engage in an affair are often both emotionally and physically drained, and this has immediate implications for the quality of their relationship. Since spouses know their partners better than anyone else, signs of tiredness will stand out as soon as an affair begins to escalate. Additionally, the unfaithful spouse may explicitly complain about feeling “tired” or “emotionally drained” with no clear explanation for why. Although cheating is not the only cause of unexplained tiredness, spouses who witness this change in their partner should be on alert for infidelity if a realistic explanation cannot be found.

2. Spouse Can’t Say “I Love You”

Another clear sign of an affair is when a formerly loving spouse is suddenly unable to say “I love you” without a rationalization for the relationship’s decline. A spouse who cannot express love can leave their partner feeling confused and afraid, but a cheater is rarely motivated to care about the victim of their behavior. Consequently, finding an answer for why your spouse is unable to say “I love you” can be difficult when infidelity is to blame. If your spouse is unable to verbally express love without being able to articulate why, you can, unfortunately, suspect infidelity as a potential cause.

3. Sudden Decline of Intimacy

Affairs begin when one partner starts to nurture an intimate relationship with another individual outside of their marriage. As a result, intimacy within a marriage almost always drops as soon as an affair begins. If intimacy was a cornerstone of your relationship for many years and suddenly vanished, you should be watchful for infidelity as a potential cause if these changes occur alongside other signs of an unfaithful spouse. Intimacy declines are not only apparent in the bedroom. For example, your spouse may stop kissing you when you come home from work or may be nervous about holding your hand in public. Your relationship can deteriorate at a rapid rate if you cannot rebuild intimacy quickly, so it is critical to determine whether infidelity could be the cause of an intimacy decline as soon as possible.

4. Unexplainable Change in Sleeping and Working Patterns

Seeing an affair partner requires a significant time investment that requires cutting out normal activities and replacing them with unexplainable disappearances and losses of time. Your spouse may disappear with no realistic explanation for hours at a time and may become angry if you inquire into their activities. Moreover, a person’s need for intimacy is generally most acute at night, so unfaithful spouses may begin to stay up later than they would under normal conditions without a clear explanation for the change in behavior. You may notice that your spouse stops waking you up in the morning and is less willing to spend time with you in the evenings. Additionally, some spouses may shift their working schedules to make time for their affair. If you observe unexplainable changes in your spouse’s routine, be alert that infidelity could be the root problem.

5. Unusual Internet Activity

Almost all affairs in the modern world are initiated over the internet. Unfaithful spouses may begin to use unusual apps, make new email accounts, and clear their internet history on a regular basis. Additionally, you may find new social media accounts in your spouse’s name with no friends or recent activity. If you confront your spouse about their unusual internet usage, you may be faced with unexplainable hostility and demands for space or privacy. Since keeping secrets from a spouse can quickly annihilate years of building trust, it is important to confront your spouse about your concerns as soon as possible in hopes that they may stop their unfaithful behavior on their own to save the relationship. You may need the assistance of a relationship counselor or the intervention of a close friend to persuade your spouse from continuing to nurture secretive relationships that will almost certainly lead to an affair.

6. Deleted Messages

Most healthy couples share access to electronic devices as a means of facilitating the generation of trust and for the sake of convenience. Unfortunately, most modern apps include features that allow for the quick deletion of messages. An unfaithful spouse may attempt to delete messages from certain individuals, but a consistent pattern of seemingly unprompted responses from the empty chats of the same contacts will make this pattern of dishonesty immediately apparent. If you notice that your spouse is deleting messages from one or two individuals, you should be alarmed about the nature of their relationship. Although asking for a degree of privacy can be an innocent attempt to speak honestly with a friend, the illusion of secrecy being sustainable can sometimes make an unfaithful spouse feel comfortable about escalating an innocent relationship into an emotional affair.

7. Can’t Get Along

If you have gotten along with your spouse for many years, you likely assumed that such harmony would last until the day you die. Unfortunately, if you have an unfaithful spouse, you may find that casual conversation often leads to intense arguments that escalate quickly. Failing to get along can have many causes, so unexplainable anger is not an absolute indicator of infidelity by itself. Nevertheless, if you have discovered other signs of unfaithfulness and now find your life tormented with perpetual disagreements, you may want to consider the possibility that your spouse is in love with someone else.

8. Spouse Wants “Space”

Closeness is the glue that can bind a marriage or long-term relationship together for a lifetime. Unfortunately, infidelity creates a disincentive for closeness that can leave unfaithful spouses demanding “space” without providing any meaningful explanation for why they want such a change. It is healthy for spouses to have relationships with friends outside of their marriage, but your spouse will generally be happy to explain why such a change is needed when it is harmless. In contrast, with a need for “space” that cannot be explained, there is likely an ulterior motive. With infidelity rates nearing 50 percent among some demographics, a sudden need for “space” is, unfortunately, a likely indicator of unfaithful behavior.

Detecting Infidelity

Infidelity is usually easy to detect for a spouse who knows their loved one better than anyone else. While the other partner likely believes that they are getting away with their betrayal, the truth is that they usually get caught within a short space of time. The spouse getting cheated on may, however, ignore the warning signs and fail to investigate out of sincere trust for their partner or fear of finding out. A spouse may not know the specifics of where their partner has gone, but infidelity can be clarified as the main issue by observing a clear pattern of character changes that the betrayer often believes to be subtle. The silver lining of such dark times, however, is that couples who manage infidelity in the right way can emerge stronger and more faithful than ever before if they learn the lessons of their mistakes.