Getting “in the mood” is difficult for some women. There are different causes for low libido in women, and the resulting lack of intimacy can be difficult for women and their partners. Humans crave the affection, touch, and sensuality that sex offers and going without can lead to frustration, tension, and even resentment between couples. If you worry that a hormonal imbalance or another health problem is the cause for your low libido, consult your doctor. But if you suspect your busy life, children, demands of the job and other types of stress are the cause, you can take immediate charge.

Women can change their sex drives and ramp up their libidos with a few unique, mood-enhancing tricks. Your brain is your most important sexual organ. If it’s distracted, you likely won’t feel like getting it on. Getting your mind in the mood for sex is key. It may sound impossible to retrain your brain for intimacy when you’re mentally preparing a to-do list or thinking about what bills to pay. But once you get the wheels in your mind turning, desire will follow. Here are four ways to charge your brain for sex:

Make the First Move

This may sound counterintuitive; however, being the one to initiate sex can jump start that loving feeling. If your libido would rather nap than come out and play, it’s going to take a little willpower on your part to make the first move. Some women find arousal and enjoyment in taking control in the bedroom, especially if they usually don’t. Extending a small move may be all it takes, such as kissing your partner’s neck, or running your fingers through his hair.

A bolder first move can include slowly unbuttoning your partner’s shirt, or taking off his belt and letting it drop to the floor. Alternately, undressing yourself in front of your partner gives you the control in setting the mood, and the pleasure of watching your lover’s reaction to your clothes coming off. Feeling in charge of your partner’s enjoyment and pleasure is a powerful aphrodisiac, and while it may take a mixture of small and bold moves, you’ll both reap the rewards when you take the initiative.

Put on Lipstick

Every great femme fatale wore red lipstick or some variation of. There’s something to glossing on your favorite lipstick that puts you in a sexier mindset. Shades of red, orange, and pink are often associated with sexuality and desire. Even if you don’t normally wear these shades, keeping one or more on hand is helpful for setting the stage for sex. Consider picking up a hot, sexy shade and stashing it away for the next time your partner is in the mood, and your maybe not. Let your luscious lips remind you of the sex kitten you really are, and enjoy on the sly as your partner reacts.

Walk Around in Your Underwear

If wearing nothing but your underwear gives you a panic attack, take a breath. There are a couple of ways you can feel sexy and uninhibited in your underwear. You know how good it feels to take off your clothes and slip into something comfy at the end of the day. Imagine that your partner is sending sexual cues and your libido makes a face and hides under the covers. Simply unbuttoning your shirt and letting the sides fall open with a peek of your bra beneath can jump start your brain. The feel of air on your skin and the freedom of shedding your clothes can be sensual.

Ditch your pants and leave your undies and shirt. Or, leave your shirt open, or toss it completely. Giving your partner, and yourself, a peek of your underthings and dropping the constrictive layers of everyday clothes can help untangle and relax your brain. It’s the same theory as letting your hair down–do that, too–to get rid of the constricting feeling. The freer you feel in your own skin, the more your brain will wake up to sensuality.

Give Your Partner the Chance to Get You in The Mood

This can be tough for some women, but really ladies, give your partner a chance to jump start your sex drive. It’s easy to yawn off sex for one reason or another. But a repeated pattern of this is bound to cause tension you’d probably like to avoid. Additionally, you need intimacy even if you think it can wait another day… or five.

Chances are, your partner is just as eager to please you as he/she would like to be pleased. If he makes a move, open yourself up to the cue. Sometimes, all it takes is resolving to the feel of his touch or the press of her lips on your collarbone. That back rub he’s giving you? Stop thinking about bills and focus on how each pad of his fingers make your skin shiver as they run over your spine. Focus on the sensations your partner is giving you, not the resistance your libido is trying to keep in check. Commanding your brain to focus on what your partner is doing to you is hard; it’s true. However, the more you work on shutting out the outside world and focusing on intimacy, the easier it will become to find “the mood.”

Intimacy is something to be played and experimented with. Ultimately, making sex a priority and letting yourself slow down and enjoy not only sex, but the path to it, can make for a stronger, more loving partnership.