In your relationship, are you the one who makes sure there is enough money for food and rent? Do you feel like you’ve become your man’s mother? Meanwhile, your man acts as though there is nothing to worry about. Before you become utterly disappointed, consider the suggestions made below to understand the situation and, perhaps, find suitable solutions.
Today, the number of women who are driven to achieve success in their careers sometimes outweighs that of men. For instance, say a young couple meet and fall in love in college. They have similar interests, enjoy their time together and, eventually, marry. He never really holds down a job, but his wife pursues her career and, soon, she is earning five times more.
The problems begin when the man sees nothing amiss when his wife is shouldering too much responsibility. His laidback attitude, which appealed to her when they first met, is now a constant source of tension. In time, she becomes frustrated.
Although money doesn’t buy happiness, it’s naïve to think it doesn’t matter at all. It is worse when you keep budgeting while your man has no financial goals. If you have such different approaches to spending and saving money, you must work out the financial issues between you. Otherwise, his apathy will, in time, create tension between you. Furthermore, make sure you do not get into the situation where you become financially unstable because of his refusal to contribute financially to the relationship.
Excuse after excuse
Some of the excuses (sometimes, wrongly classified as ‘reasons’) men give for a lack of ambition include the following:
- They say they have no staying power. This is true of men who get fired from all their jobs because they get angry with their bosses.
- They insist that work must be enjoyable all the time. This means that they quit the moment the job becomes even slightly stressful.
- They insist that life is more about being happy than acquiring money.
- They enjoy studying. These are perpetual students – they pursue one university course after another and refuse to earn a living.
- They need time to be creative. These men will insists that if you stand by them for yet another three years or so, their yet unwritten novel will be published.
What do you do if you recognize your man in any of the descriptions above? “My advice would be to sit him down and explain just how much of a problem you feel this is becoming in your relationship,” says psychotherapist, Geila Janssen. “Try to find out if there are any issues driving his lethargy for work and life, such as depression or a sense that he’s inadequate. If he does admit to being in a low state, then counselling and some self-help books could prove the catalyst for change and get him moving. But if he seems totally happy with hardly working and spending plenty of time at home, and he treats you like you’re the problem, maybe you’ve outgrown the relationship and no longer have much in common.”
Lazy in every way
The lethargy your man feels from having no ambition in his career will spill over into his everyday life. This will become a bigger problem if you’re an organized person. For example, say he’s decided to organize a party for your birthday. However, when the time comes, he’s just too lazy to do anything. At the last minute, to save the situation, you are forced to organize your own birthday party. Indeed, you won’t be alone in concluding that he takes you for granted; he is also self-centred and completely oblivious to the fact that you have needs too.
Honestly, although men are encouraged to share their emotions and both partners are equals in the relationship, the expectation that men should contribute financially to the household still exists. If the financial imbalance in your relationship has become unbearable for you, use the suggestions made above to redress the balance both financially and emotionally and, hopefully, you will find happiness once again.